Cock Fights

My next door neighbor has a rooster in her backyard. It is not against the law to have yard birds in East Point, Georgia. This roosters crows all the time, except when it’s asleep, which isn’t often. It’s not a real problem for us because we sleep with a fan running to drown out city noise. You know like traffic, loud stereos, domestic violence and roosters.

The other night the electricity went out. So we had no a/c, no fan, nothing but silence. Silence and a thumping bass from car stereos, gun shots and roosters. I’m used to the stereos and gun shots, but at 4 a.m. when the rooster started up I couldn’t take it. I had not slept well and was pissed off at the world. So when the rooster started to crow so did Tracy. I was so mad I decided to get my chain saw and cut a tree down right next to my neighbors house. The house with the nice old lady, her alcoholic son and the loud ass rooster.

4 a.m. cut down a tree? Sounds good to me. So I put on cloths, shoes and a black ski mask. I couldn’t get the mask to fit right, couldn’t find the eye holes. Then I realized I had grabbed a pair of Stacey’s underwear, not my black ski mask. Anyway I went out to the shop and grabbed my chain saw. The lot between my house and the little old lady’s house is full of trees and brush, so I knew I would have no problem finding a tree to cut down. Nothing to big, just enough to send a message. So some how in the dark, through the bush I go across my back yard, as close to the roosters yard as I could get. I put on my safety goggles and pull the cord to start the saw. Nothing. Again, pull, pull, pull. Nothing. It’s out of gas. DAMN DAMN DAMN IT’SOUTOFGAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I’m just gonna go knock on the door. Like an adult, I’m gonna go over and speak with little old lady about her rooster. I’m sure she will be reasonable, I’m sure I will be as well. So knock knock knock, yea I know it’s 4 a.m. but hell I’ve seen her sweeping her front porch at 4 a.m., so no problem. Reasonable Tracy, be reasonable. Her son comes to the door and I scream as loud as I can “If I hear that goddamn rooster one more time I’m gonna kill it.” So sonny boy just looks at me with his red bleary slits for eyes and says, “if I hear you damn dogs one more time I’m gonna shoot them.” I say thank you and good night.

Whenever I see little old lady and sonny boy sweeping the dirt from their front yard, I just act like nothing ever happened.