Tuesday, August 4, 2009

When Routine Bites Hard

I'm not one for routine. I do not have a daily game plan, I don't follow much of a schedule. I guess sleeping in the same bed every night and having a stove top espresso first thing in the morning is the most routine in my life.

The other morning I woke up and enjoyed a delicious Martini. Vodka please, ice cold, just a little bit dirty and straight up. That's how I drink them. I usually have them in the early evening, but when I woke this particular morning I went to the spot in the kitchen where the coffee station is set up and without thinking mixed a Martini, turned on the A.M. news, sat back and drank my Martini.

When I finished I was drunk. It was about 7:30 in the morning and I was drunk. See the problem is this. The coffee stuff in our kitchen is at one end of the counter and the cocktail stuff is at the other. The night before Stacey cleaned the Martini shaker and placed it at the coffee station. So I called her at work to discuss it. She SAID she just made a mistake, but I was drunk and thought otherwise. Yes, I was drunk and she was mad and that made me mad cause as far as I was concerned it was her fault. I told her, talking like I had a mouth full of marbles, I told her "you can't put the shaker next to the coffee and not expect the worst". She just hung up on me. So I called her back. She threatened to kill me when she got home and hung up on me. So I called her back. She threatened to never come home and hung up on me. So I called her back. I called her back 20 times that day. She said she would divorce me and take all my money and hung up on me. I called her back and told her "bring it on, I ain't scared and all I got is twenty dollars".

When Stacey got home that evening I made sure to have a nice cold cocktail waiting for her.


  1. Can I come over for breakfast tomorrow?

  2. This is funny. Although I empathize with your wife! My husband and I write a blog on life in the south called Shenandoah Breakdown here: http://shenandoahbreakdown.wordpress.com/. If you ever add a blog roll to your site, please consider adding us. Also really like your post about scars. Cheers, Heather