How many Southerners……

Does it take to help me get dressed? Well Friday night it took five.

There was myself of course, I am capable of dressing myself, usually without help. Friday was “special” you might say. Stacey and I were going to a Mardi Gras ball down in beautiful Mobile, Alabama. I needed to wear a set of tails which I had taken over from my brother in law a few years ago when I started attending a few Mardi Gras balls. Mainly it was his ball I needed them for and since he rode in the parade and attended the ball as a masker, he didn’t need them for that night, so I used his. The last time I wore them was in the Mystic Fish Parade, last year, it was our 15th anniversary and I wanted to do something special. I must say, a guy riding and 12′ long paper mache fish down the street, sporting a set of tails was quite special!

The first problem I had was when brother in law called the day before the ball and said he needed his tails Friday night for a ball he was attending, he thought our ball was Saturday night and said he would get them back to us the next day. Well Stacey told him our ball was Friday night as well and we would go rent a set, no big deal. Well brother in law, being the sweetheart he is said no, he didn’t want to go to the ball anyway and if his wife insisted they go he would rent. He said it would be easier for him to rent since we were coming in from Atlanta, and we had the tails already, or so we all thought we had the tails.

Well, now it’s Friday night and we are due at a friends house in five minutes, we are gonna have a drink and head to the ball together. They live around the corner and time is not a problem. That is until I ask Stacey, do I wear my black tie and cummerbund, which is part of my tux, with the tails. She is not sure as this style of dress is kinda new for us. Like I said the last time I wore the damn set of tails was in a parade, so my memory is not so clear and all I have on hand is a black bow tie and a cummerbund. Let me call my brother I tell Stacey, hell he practically lives in formal wear and he will know.

So I call little brother and ask, once he stops laughing and can tell I’m serious he tells me, no cummerbund, instead it’s a white vest I need. Also you must wear a white tie with tails. WHAT? White tie, white vest, I got none of this and don’t remember ever having them. WHAT AM I GONNA DO, I GOT MINUTES TO FIX THIS PROBLEM. Little brother is on his way home from work and will check and see if he has extra tie and vest. He is going to same ball brother in law may or may may not go to and he needs his stuff. He will call back in a few.

So in the mean time I put on what I have, pants, shirt, which I have already borrowed from little brother cause I can’t find the one that goes with brother in laws set of tails, probably in the fish float. I put on the nice black shoes I had to borrow from my dad cause I forgot to bring mine from Atlanta, surprise, surprise.

Stacey looks great and for a moment I wish I were a girl, all I would need is a dress and a pair of shoes. Hell I could have borrowed that from my mother.

So, as I wait for little brother to call back I call our friends we are going with, the former School Board Superintendent and his wife and ask if he has an extra vest and white tie. Sorry no luck, but take your time he said, your only 15 minutes late so far. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN.

Well little brother calls and says he has what I need and will bring it to me. His ball starts later then ours and he has time. Go to the former School Board Superintendents house, have a drink and he will call when he is in the drive way. And so it goes and I get what I need and am able to get to the ball on time.

It only took five people, Dads shoes, brother in laws tails, little brothers shirt, tie and vest, Stacey help through out the whole ordeal and of course I did my part and dressed myself.