Open Invitation to Anthony Bourdian

If you watch this guy’s show ya know how he always goes someplace, meets an old friend and they partake in the local history and then chow down. He goes on to tell this great story of the people and the food of this place.

So I’m thinking he should head south to Mobile and focus on Mardi Gras. Focus on how the regular folk celebrate Mardi Gras. Everyone knows about the old Mystic Societies that one must be born ( or married) into, not so many know about Crewes like the Mystic Fish.

Bourdian could come down and spend about 3 or 4 days with us. We could fill him in on a little Mardi Gras history. Tell him a little about the history of Mobile, like how Mobile was under the rule of 3 different countries in the 18th century. Tell him about how important Mardi Gras is and was to Mobile. Tell him about how Joe Cain was the guy that really revived Mardi Gras after the civil war tore the country apart. Mobile Mardi Gras is what it is today because of Joe Cain.

Then you could spend the other three and a half days showing him how it works, the food, the parties, the parades, the Mystic Fish Parade and the golf tournament. You could take him to a few float barns, if you knew someone who could get you in. You could show him the most beautiful floats, all sculpted from paper mache.

Then you could talk food. Do we want to roast a pig again, do we want to buy a sack of oysters and do some on the grill? How much shrimp will we need for the weekend, 25, 30 pounds? Some for the shrimp boil Saturday night, some for shrimp and grits Sunday morning. We need mudbugs, we need beer, we need gumbo. Five gallons, with shrimp please. Bloody Marys, Mimosa, whatever.

We could then show him how we have been celebrating Mardi Gras for the last 16 years. We could teach him to build a fish float on a bicycle. We could show him good spots to see the parade from. We could teach him about Joe Cain, stuff like that. Oh yea, then there’s the food. I bet he would like the food just fine. We could tell him about the G.D. Marching Society. One of the first renegade Mardi Gras organization in Mobile.

Anyway if anyone runs into Anthony, let him know there’s an open invite for he and his Crew down in beautiful downtown Mobile, Alabama, for Mardi Gras 2009.

TY Pennington, not So Southern or smart

So here I am minding my own business, building a Mardi Float, shucking oysters, boiling shrimp and taters, drinking beers, busting the nail off my big toe, then drinking vodka and eating pain pills, you know what I mean, just minding my own business. And along comes Ty.

I don’t even know the guy. I think Chef must have known him. See we had one of, if not the top Chef in Atlanta flown in to party and cook with us Saturday night in beautiful downtown Mobile, Alabama. Man did we, I mean did he cook. I don’t remember any of it but I heard it was great. The former School-board Superintendent and his lovely wife said it was some of the best food they had ever eaten and those two have done some eating.

Anyway, like I said here comes Ty and he’s got some other guy with him and they are shooting video of Ty talking, about gods know what. So they come in the front yard, where the party has gathered and the cooking is happening. No one really noticed him, if they did no one said anything. Now he’s chatting me and the Chef up while we’re trying to cook, but he must want a little more attention than we can give him, cause he heads over to the front porch, where all the chicks are, to talk to everyone. Evidently still not enough attention cause next he ask if anyone would like to take his picture. Well this is my family and friends and they are nice people, so a few take out their cameras and snap a few shots. A few folks use their cell phones to take a photo. I bet most didn’t really take a photo, just being nice ya know.

Next thing ya know he ask my Aunt if she would like her picture taken with him and her daughter, seems she hangs out with Ty in NYC sometimes. So they humor him and have their picture taken with him. click here for photo.

Now I ain’t saying nothing, but Ty is not really that smart. Sure he has his own hit TV show, a couple of sponsors like Sears, Bayer Aspirin and some other small companies, but he just doesn’t come across as all that bright. Like I don’t think he can drive, cause he’s got this guy driving him around. He can’t even ride a bike very well and it was a 3 wheeler. Sure, the bike had a 13′ paper mache Mystic Fish attached to it, but he struggled. Click here for photo of Ty trying to ride a bike.

He was also trying to put the moves on my wife, and I think little lady was having a little to much fun. I had to say something to Ty, I didn’t want to be rude but he can’t just walk in and start hitting on my wife. Click here to see Ty trying to pickup my wife.

And I don’t think he knows how to use a phone. Same guy that had to drive him around, also had to answer and dial the phone for him, I swear. But the stupidest thing he did was to up and leave. He standing right there, looking at shrimp boiling, the oysters being shucked, the Tur-duckling and the pork shoulder were in the oven and the chicks are on the front porch and the guys gets in his car, the one he can’t even drive, and has himself driven away.

Now that wasn’t real smart.

southern sculpting

How to build a bicycle powered fish float from cardboard, butcher paper and contact cement.

1.a Take as much horseradish as you like and a decent vodka and prepare 2 Bloody Mary’s

1.b Give one to your wife, toast the 2008 Mardi Gras season and start sculpting.

All you gotta do is paint the cardboard with the green contact cement. Let that dry and then start shaping it on the wooden armature that you’ve attached to your three wheel bike.

You can shape it like a trout, you can make the head bobble, you can use all kinds of stuff. Just make it look like a FISH. Coat it twice more with butcher paper. Using wallpaper paste with the second coat. Then paint it.

That’s all you really need to do, it’s that easy. At least that’s the way Stacey and I have been doing for the last 16 years. At first we used newspaper, chicken wire and liquid starch, that was tough, hard to make it look the way you wanted it to. Then about 3 years ago the Master float builder Mr. S. Mussell gave us a few tips and helped us get the contact cement that is vital to the process. That’s when we started producing floats like this one.

We are back and in questionable condition…

Movie-stars, video tapes and large paper mache fish. Some of it’s true, some of it’s not.

Sorry we haven’t been posting in awhile. Been busy with Mardi Gras and work. Both Stacey and I had a heavy work load up until about 10 days before Mardi Gras. Being the responsible adults we are, we worked through it. So we missed a few parades and we were pressed for time on the Fish Float building, but we got through it. With the help of Chef, flown in just for the Saturday night shrimp boil and the Sunday morning brunch, we were able to pull off the food in a spectacular fashion.

Hope to get back to a regular schedule as of tomorrow. Got a lot to tell about. We had great weather and only a few lives were lost. It was a small price to pay for so much fun. If it wasn’t for the video tape situation no one would have had to die, but ya do what ya got to do. I bet no one makes the mistake of showing up with a video camera next year.

Trying to get married at the Osiris Ball

It is hard picking up chicks at the Osiris Ball. It’s not because they are not there. I guess they think all the guys are gay so they didn’t take me serious. Like the young lady in the beautiful red, backless dress. As I was waiting in the line at the bar she stood right in front of me. I noticed she was either alone or her date was ignoring her. Any way the guys behind me spoke up and told her how lovely her dress was. That was all she needed to hear, next thing ya know she is telling us all about how her date didn’t pick her up, she had to go get him and what a hard time she had getting her breast to fit in her dress. She said she had no idea they had gotten so large til she went to put the red dress on. The front of her dress was almost as front-less as it was backless and I could see what she was talking about. Those babies were squeezed in there tighter then a gants ass. She went on for a while about how she didn’t know what happened, her breast had just blown up. She said you would think her date would be happy to go with her to the ball, but she stated again how she had to go pick him up. That’s when I made my move and ask her to marry me. She didn’t respond, I guess she thought I was kidding, or gay, or something.

Oysters, not so Southern Style

Stacey found a restaurant on line, it’s in NYC and we were going in a couple days. When ever we go to NYC Stacey goes online and looks for all kind of things to do. She always comes up with good places to eat. This time she searched “cheap eats”, one of the places that popped up was Kuma. It was described as tapas style plates with Asian flavors.

So we went there and really enjoyed. Then a few months later we were in NYC and decided to go again. This time we would try some new dishes. And so it went and things were good, but we thought we needed one more dish, so we ordered a Oyster omelet. The menu had some weird name of something that was on the omelet. Our waitron told us it was Bonito Flakes. Oh we said, fish flakes, OK we’ll give it a try.

Well we had no idea and I bet they love serving this dish to people that talk like us. That would be slow and with a drawl.

The plated landed on the table as if it was a spaceship that was alive. We were just sitting there staring at the dish and I thought for sure it was alive. The waitron came by and we ask, what the hell? She informed us that is what fish flakes do when sprinkled on top of a very hot plate of food. The flakes danced as if they were a small nation raising their arms and crying out for help.
It was in a small casserole dish straight from the oven. It looked alien. It was scary. It even smelled bad. I’ll try it I said and I did and it was strong. I don’t know of anyone born in America who enjoys dried fish flakes. It was like eating the strongest, most rotten fish flavor ever. So I tried another bite. Same results, duh. So Stacey tried some and spit it out, across the table, landing on a photo hanging on the wall. It wasn’t a really good piece of art, so the chewed up oyster with fish flakes kinda helped it. So then Stacey scraped the Bonito flakes away and tried another bite, because other then the stench of death this dish looked pretty good. She did the same thing and it landed in the same place, totally changing a still life painting of fruit on a table into something that looked like a boat on a river.

I wonder if anyone ever cleaned that painting.

Southern Chill

So last Friday we’re gonna go down to the deep south, Mobile, Alabama. We want to see a Mardi Gras Parade. I HATE BEING AN ADULT!

We both need to work. Stacey has her regular tax project from hell to complete by Jan. 31. I’m trying to finish this job for Alons Bakery. It’s going ok, but we got started about a month later then Alon had planned and now it’ crunch time. So we decide to go Friday night and miss the first real parade of the season, we will catch two parades Saturday night. We are also gonna work on the float and paint the kitchen down there, gonna paint it red.

Bullshit! None of that happened. We did go Friday night. It was cold and we were to late to see the parade. Next day, to cold to work on Fish float. Later that night to cold for either Staceys’ or my folks to join us for the parade. We’re going, me, Stacey and our traveling dog George.

So after 2 really big martinis with Marion, I’m ready. So George, Stacey and I drive down to Broad st. cause it is cold again. We are standing at the barricades when along comes the parade. First it’s the Budweiser horses and George don’t like it. Then the drums and George don’t like it. So George and I go over to the little wall at the CVS, thinking this might be a good spot. WRONG. George wants none of it and he decides to take off towards the house, I fall down, he runs over me, actually he runs on me like I’m a thread mill. I got his leash and I’m on my back in the middle of the sidewalk. George is on top of me trying to run, on my stomach, but he’s going nowhere, just running on me. I’m waiting for either Stacey to come help or the cops to come arrest me for public dog abuse. Neither, it’s so cold the cops are in their car and Stacey is at the barricades with her hands in the air yelling at the guys riding the float.