TY Pennington, not So Southern or smart

So here I am minding my own business, building a Mardi Float, shucking oysters, boiling shrimp and taters, drinking beers, busting the nail off my big toe, then drinking vodka and eating pain pills, you know what I mean, just minding my own business. And along comes Ty.

I don’t even know the guy. I think Chef must have known him. See we had one of, if not the top Chef in Atlanta flown in to party and cook with us Saturday night in beautiful downtown Mobile, Alabama. Man did we, I mean did he cook. I don’t remember any of it but I heard it was great. The former School-board Superintendent and his lovely wife said it was some of the best food they had ever eaten and those two have done some eating.

Anyway, like I said here comes Ty and he’s got some other guy with him and they are shooting video of Ty talking, about gods know what. So they come in the front yard, where the party has gathered and the cooking is happening. No one really noticed him, if they did no one said anything. Now he’s chatting me and the Chef up while we’re trying to cook, but he must want a little more attention than we can give him, cause he heads over to the front porch, where all the chicks are, to talk to everyone. Evidently still not enough attention cause next he ask if anyone would like to take his picture. Well this is my family and friends and they are nice people, so a few take out their cameras and snap a few shots. A few folks use their cell phones to take a photo. I bet most didn’t really take a photo, just being nice ya know.

Next thing ya know he ask my Aunt if she would like her picture taken with him and her daughter, seems she hangs out with Ty in NYC sometimes. So they humor him and have their picture taken with him. click here for photo.

Now I ain’t saying nothing, but Ty is not really that smart. Sure he has his own hit TV show, a couple of sponsors like Sears, Bayer Aspirin and some other small companies, but he just doesn’t come across as all that bright. Like I don’t think he can drive, cause he’s got this guy driving him around. He can’t even ride a bike very well and it was a 3 wheeler. Sure, the bike had a 13′ paper mache Mystic Fish attached to it, but he struggled. Click here for photo of Ty trying to ride a bike.

He was also trying to put the moves on my wife, and I think little lady was having a little to much fun. I had to say something to Ty, I didn’t want to be rude but he can’t just walk in and start hitting on my wife. Click here to see Ty trying to pickup my wife.

And I don’t think he knows how to use a phone. Same guy that had to drive him around, also had to answer and dial the phone for him, I swear. But the stupidest thing he did was to up and leave. He standing right there, looking at shrimp boiling, the oysters being shucked, the Tur-duckling and the pork shoulder were in the oven and the chicks are on the front porch and the guys gets in his car, the one he can’t even drive, and has himself driven away.

Now that wasn’t real smart.

southern sculpting

How to build a bicycle powered fish float from cardboard, butcher paper and contact cement.

1.a Take as much horseradish as you like and a decent vodka and prepare 2 Bloody Mary’s

1.b Give one to your wife, toast the 2008 Mardi Gras season and start sculpting.

All you gotta do is paint the cardboard with the green contact cement. Let that dry and then start shaping it on the wooden armature that you’ve attached to your three wheel bike.

You can shape it like a trout, you can make the head bobble, you can use all kinds of stuff. Just make it look like a FISH. Coat it twice more with butcher paper. Using wallpaper paste with the second coat. Then paint it.

That’s all you really need to do, it’s that easy. At least that’s the way Stacey and I have been doing for the last 16 years. At first we used newspaper, chicken wire and liquid starch, that was tough, hard to make it look the way you wanted it to. Then about 3 years ago the Master float builder Mr. S. Mussell gave us a few tips and helped us get the contact cement that is vital to the process. That’s when we started producing floats like this one.

We are back and in questionable condition…

Movie-stars, video tapes and large paper mache fish. Some of it’s true, some of it’s not.

Sorry we haven’t been posting in awhile. Been busy with Mardi Gras and work. Both Stacey and I had a heavy work load up until about 10 days before Mardi Gras. Being the responsible adults we are, we worked through it. So we missed a few parades and we were pressed for time on the Fish Float building, but we got through it. With the help of Chef, flown in just for the Saturday night shrimp boil and the Sunday morning brunch, we were able to pull off the food in a spectacular fashion.

Hope to get back to a regular schedule as of tomorrow. Got a lot to tell about. We had great weather and only a few lives were lost. It was a small price to pay for so much fun. If it wasn’t for the video tape situation no one would have had to die, but ya do what ya got to do. I bet no one makes the mistake of showing up with a video camera next year.

Trying to get married at the Osiris Ball

It is hard picking up chicks at the Osiris Ball. It’s not because they are not there. I guess they think all the guys are gay so they didn’t take me serious. Like the young lady in the beautiful red, backless dress. As I was waiting in the line at the bar she stood right in front of me. I noticed she was either alone or her date was ignoring her. Any way the guys behind me spoke up and told her how lovely her dress was. That was all she needed to hear, next thing ya know she is telling us all about how her date didn’t pick her up, she had to go get him and what a hard time she had getting her breast to fit in her dress. She said she had no idea they had gotten so large til she went to put the red dress on. The front of her dress was almost as front-less as it was backless and I could see what she was talking about. Those babies were squeezed in there tighter then a gants ass. She went on for a while about how she didn’t know what happened, her breast had just blown up. She said you would think her date would be happy to go with her to the ball, but she stated again how she had to go pick him up. That’s when I made my move and ask her to marry me. She didn’t respond, I guess she thought I was kidding, or gay, or something.

Oysters, not so Southern Style

Stacey found a restaurant on line, it’s in NYC and we were going in a couple days. When ever we go to NYC Stacey goes online and looks for all kind of things to do. She always comes up with good places to eat. This time she searched “cheap eats”, one of the places that popped up was Kuma. It was described as tapas style plates with Asian flavors.

So we went there and really enjoyed. Then a few months later we were in NYC and decided to go again. This time we would try some new dishes. And so it went and things were good, but we thought we needed one more dish, so we ordered a Oyster omelet. The menu had some weird name of something that was on the omelet. Our waitron told us it was Bonito Flakes. Oh we said, fish flakes, OK we’ll give it a try.

Well we had no idea and I bet they love serving this dish to people that talk like us. That would be slow and with a drawl.

The plated landed on the table as if it was a spaceship that was alive. We were just sitting there staring at the dish and I thought for sure it was alive. The waitron came by and we ask, what the hell? She informed us that is what fish flakes do when sprinkled on top of a very hot plate of food. The flakes danced as if they were a small nation raising their arms and crying out for help.
It was in a small casserole dish straight from the oven. It looked alien. It was scary. It even smelled bad. I’ll try it I said and I did and it was strong. I don’t know of anyone born in America who enjoys dried fish flakes. It was like eating the strongest, most rotten fish flavor ever. So I tried another bite. Same results, duh. So Stacey tried some and spit it out, across the table, landing on a photo hanging on the wall. It wasn’t a really good piece of art, so the chewed up oyster with fish flakes kinda helped it. So then Stacey scraped the Bonito flakes away and tried another bite, because other then the stench of death this dish looked pretty good. She did the same thing and it landed in the same place, totally changing a still life painting of fruit on a table into something that looked like a boat on a river.

I wonder if anyone ever cleaned that painting.

Southern Chill

So last Friday we’re gonna go down to the deep south, Mobile, Alabama. We want to see a Mardi Gras Parade. I HATE BEING AN ADULT!

We both need to work. Stacey has her regular tax project from hell to complete by Jan. 31. I’m trying to finish this job for Alons Bakery. It’s going ok, but we got started about a month later then Alon had planned and now it’ crunch time. So we decide to go Friday night and miss the first real parade of the season, we will catch two parades Saturday night. We are also gonna work on the float and paint the kitchen down there, gonna paint it red.

Bullshit! None of that happened. We did go Friday night. It was cold and we were to late to see the parade. Next day, to cold to work on Fish float. Later that night to cold for either Staceys’ or my folks to join us for the parade. We’re going, me, Stacey and our traveling dog George.

So after 2 really big martinis with Marion, I’m ready. So George, Stacey and I drive down to Broad st. cause it is cold again. We are standing at the barricades when along comes the parade. First it’s the Budweiser horses and George don’t like it. Then the drums and George don’t like it. So George and I go over to the little wall at the CVS, thinking this might be a good spot. WRONG. George wants none of it and he decides to take off towards the house, I fall down, he runs over me, actually he runs on me like I’m a thread mill. I got his leash and I’m on my back in the middle of the sidewalk. George is on top of me trying to run, on my stomach, but he’s going nowhere, just running on me. I’m waiting for either Stacey to come help or the cops to come arrest me for public dog abuse. Neither, it’s so cold the cops are in their car and Stacey is at the barricades with her hands in the air yelling at the guys riding the float.

New Years in the South

I was gonna write about this a while back, but………..

A friend invited us over for New Years Eve. He had invited another couple, we’re all good friends. He thought we could all bring a little tapas style plate and a wine to match it. He was right. Between the three of us - we kicked ass. Now I’m gonna try and tell you about it. I might forget some of the wine’s that were enjoyed as I was consuming martinis as if I had a cab reserved for 1 A.M.

That’s right.

So where was I? What the hell was I thinking?

I guess I wasn’t.

Stacey and I put together a Anti Pasta platter, of sorts. All the usual suspects and a little more. Four cheeses - a Roquefort, a triple cream that I think was Brie, and a cheese that had fruit in it, fig and orange. I liked it, some did not. We also had another I can’t rem, yes I can, it was cheddar made with Guinness Beer. This is a very good cheese and it is not expensive, seek it out. We had lots more on our Anti Pasta platter, but it would take to long. So I move on………

I’m walking through Alon’s Bakery on the last day of the 2007, time truly flies. I’m putting this Anti Pasta platter together. My phone rings and it’s our host for tonight. He’s looking for oysters. He wants to know if my local seafood joint has them in the shell or should he go to Dekalb Farmers Market. I tell him “Don’t do anything till I talk to My Chef”. I hang up and call Butch, more on Butch another day. Just so happens, [and I am not making this up] Butch tells me he is on his way to his seafood monger as we speak, he will call back and tell me what’s available and looks good. He does so, and does so, and does so and I have to stop him after three minutes and tell him the host will call him direct. Butch knows the host, Butch will help the host. Thank you Butch.

And so it goes… and we ended up with 100 oysters from the West Coast. Butch choose them for us ’cause he knew we wanted briny, salty, gulf coast flavors. He knew these had that flavor and they were the best looking. We ate most raw,

we put some on the Green Egg Grill. They were all so good and it was fun shucking them with the host and laying them on a iced platter, ready to be enjoyed.

Then we were treated to Shrimp and Grits. Not just any ol’ Shrimp and Grits. This Shrimp was done Pot Pie Style. I think there were green peas and all that pot pie stuff in a beautiful little crust, in the perfect little ramekin size. With a large dollop of Grits. Andy Griffith would have shit his britches. I remember we took the last Shrimp Pot Pie and laid it out, busted, on a plate and all had a few bites with the last of the grits.

Then my cab didn’t come and we tried calling and that didn’t work. I really thought I had it all set, but around 12:30, January 1st 2008, I started the year off like the dumb ass I am. I’ve seen the commercial ” buzz driving is drunk driving”. So I did what I had to and told our friends our cab was outside and we had to go. So we were just about to pull out of the driveway without anyone knowing the cab didn’t show. Damn, I left the car keys down stairs in the middle of everyone. By the time I went down to retrieve them, our host had Stacey out of the car and headed back in. I steered us back to the car and some how got out of the driveway.

I was having a little trouble with my phone, I couldn’t get the cab co. to answer and I was pissed I had to drive. We got home and I went to call our friends to tell them we got home ok. Phone is acting up, don’t know why, could be operator error, but I decide to throw phone at the house and pick it up and throw it at the house again. Welcome to 2008.

The food was good! The Friends are good too !