A Southern Christmas

Was the Friday before Christmas and all through the South, a whole lot of folks were running their mouth.

The stock car races were done and not a soul could care, not even the guy with a mullet for hair

The hounds were asleep up under the bed with dreams of big bones in their tiny little heads

Big mama was pissed and Daddy was drunk and he fell asleep in the back of his truck

When out by the outhouse came a big stink, made Daddy stand and try real hard to think

Away from this scene he had to dash, he thought Big Mama was kickin his ass

Daddy ran and he ran and then fell in the snow, how long he laid there he didn’t know

When he did stand up he said “where did ya go?” he thought he was huntin a buck and a doe

But what he did see were some tiny deer and a little fat guy looking kinda queer

He was quite confused and he lay back down and for hours didn’t hear another sound

He dreamed and he snored and though of Exgirlfriends, he could not remember, were there eight or ten?

He thought of their names and made a list, there was Nancy and Patty and Betsy and ….

It took him a minute but he came up with others, there was Lisa and Sally and somebodies mother

He was dreaming of them and it made him real happy then his dreams turned dark and he thought of his pappy

Poor pappy was laid up in the county jail, just a waitin for someone to go his bail

Daddy didn’t have a nickel or dime to his name so poor pappy just lay there going insane

I forgot when I started that this poem was so long, I thought I would rewrite it, boy was I wrong

I guess what I really wanted to say, hope you all have a good Christmas Day!

‘Tis the Southern Season

Like I said a few post back I love the Holidays. There is nothing better than having all your work done, all your shopping done, all your driving done and being able to spend about three or four days, doing nothing but sit around with family and friends that drop by.

I remember Christmas as a little kid, that would have been in the 60’s. I remember my Mom and Dad didn’t have any extra money and I remember never being disappointed.

I remember the year my brother and I got bikes. His was green and mine was blue. I remember when my sisters got a little bitty, blue, stereo. This was my introduction to pop music and whatever my sisters listened to was what I listened to. Today we all have a similar taste in music.

When I was growing up parenting was a lot different then now, we just didn’t get to deep into heavy subjects. I think that was a sign of the times and a southern thing. That’s not to say my folks were not the best parents a kid could have. They may not have said it, but I learned it from their actions.

Like I said, there was no extra money and my Moms best friend was her banker. I can still remember his name, Ronnie Harrison, God bless his soul. That made no difference. We, my brother and sisters, learned what was important. Each other. And we learned through watching our parents how to handle our problems. Face them, fix them and move on. Nothing ever was a problem for long around our house and I think that attitude has served me well.

So I can’t wait to get to Mobile and see everyone, it will be the first time in a while we have all been home for Christmas at the same time. I can’t wait to wake up Christmas morning and do it the way it is always done. No matter who is at Roper Street that year, someone will be elected, or told by Mom to pass out the gifts, once we got them all out we take turns opening them, one at a time.

But for me the best part is after the gifts are all open and it sinks in, there is nothing I have got to do for the rest of the day but sit and visit. This feeling really hits when I smell the sausage cooking for Christmas breakfast. Just like it has been for as long as I can remember.

Southern Smarts

Two business men in NY are sitting down for a break in their soon- to-be new store. As yet, the store isn’t ready — only a few shelves are set up.

One says to the other, ‘I bet any minute now some tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we’re selling.’

No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious hill-billy from the south walks to the window, has a peek, and in a Southern drawl asks, ‘What’re y’all sellin’ here?’

One of the men replies, ‘Oh! We’re selling assholes here.”

Without skipping a beat, the southerner says, ‘Well, I see y’all’re doing really good, you only got two left!’

NEW YORKERS (Bless their hearts) SHOULD NOT MESS WITH SOUTHERNERS !…

Thanks Danny!

Southern Circle

So here’s a good one. Two guys walk in a bar. Just kiddin, but this is funny.

I gota friend who calls me every now and than with materials I can use to build furniture from. Lumber, old shutters, all kind of stuff.

About four or five months ago he called me and insisted I meet him at a antique market that had just gone out of business. It was near his restaurant and he had worked with the folks that ran the market. They had left some stuff behind and told him he could take what he wanted. So he calls me and tells me there is neat shit I need to get. Well it took a few days and a few phone calls for him to get me to meet him. When I did I wasn’t really excited about most of the materials. Some cool stuff, I just didn’t know what I would do with most of it.

There were 2 vegetable cart made of wood and on casters. There was a rolling, metal ladder. The kind a airplane mechanic might use. There were also two, 3′ tall old cast iron post . Looked like they might have been old diner counter stools, without the seats.

Well I took it all and dumped it outside at my shop and haven’t thought much about it. The iron post are very cool and I have tried to use them in a custom job, but the right job hasn’t come along yet.

So the other day my friend that had hooked me up with this stuff called and wanted a bed made for his wife for Christmas. Oh, sorry, that would be Hanukkah.

Anyway we designed a bed using the iron post and the lumber from the veg carts. He made me give him a huge discount since he “gave” me the materials.

I wonder if he had this planned all along. I will post a photo when finished.

Southern Culture

I love the holidays. I love music and I love the great friends I am so lucky to have. That being said I had a lovely day Saturday.

Stacey and I joined some friends for lunch and a concert by the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra. The Orchestra was joined by the ASO Gospel Chorus. It was a wonderful show. The chorus was made up of singers from local choirs. It was obvious that a lot of work had gone into this concert and that the chorus loved what they were doing. That love for their art and the skill of the ASO, together, resulted in beautiful music. I am very happy we were invited to join our friends, it was a great day. I plan on doing it again next year.

Events that bring us altogether are what life is all about for me. It’s not the event, it’s the friends gathered. It’s not always a happy event, sometime we come together to mourn. A friend we have lost or someone who is suffering, is a time when we all need our friends around. Most are happy times and like I said it doesn’t matter why, lets just get together.

Southern Sundays

I love it when Sunday morning last til about 8:30 or 9 p.m. I like to start those days with a large plate of grits and eggs, bacon, toast, jelly and juice. Read the New York Times and maybe something else. Watch t.v. or a movie and end the day with a large plate of eggs Benedict. I haven’t had a day like that in a while. I am due. Been working way to many hours.

I finished the tailgate cocktail table. I built the undercarriage and painted it black. I distressed that and put a protective clear coat on next. I sanded and cleaned the part of the tailgate to be the surface. I painted the word FORD on it and distressed that once it dried. I then clear coated the top a few times. Here’s a photo. Remember you can click on photo and enlarge it. Then you will see the licences plate is Alabama and from 1959.

I am also working on a large order for a bakery/deli. I am building a bread unit, about 23′ of counter top made from antique pine and 17 table tops 24 ” square. These are for the lunch and coffee area and will also be made from antique pine. Finished with paste wax. The counter top will have to be finished with something more durable. This is a fun job. Big stuff, the bread unit is about 10′ wide and 8′ tall. A metalsmith will finish the unit out with steel. I will take photos.

JK

I’m not sure where I ran across a copy of Talk Stories, I think it was in the airport. I am sure that I noticed the authors name as someone who had written for the New Yorker Magazine. By the the time I was getting the New Yorker in the mail Jamaica Kincaid wrote full length pieces and not very often. But I remembered her name. She had written a piece about gardening. I think it was about a seed catalog that she used.

Anyway I found this book and found a beautiful voice. Talk Stories is a book of 77 short pieces that Jamaica Kincaid wrote for the New Yorker column, “Talk Of The Town”. She wrote the column from 1974 til ‘83. I love the way she wrote these columns. It was almost as if you were reading a list, a list written by a very good writer. At the time she began writing Talk of the Town, I think she was just starting to write. So this is how she cut her teeth, learned her chops if you will.

I had been reading the New Yorker and the Talk column for years before I found her book. Looking back, not one other Talk writer was able to do what she did for that column. She made the most mundane events, political rallies and such, sound like a fun day in the city. She always wrote in the “we” voice, I don’t know why, maybe she was told to.

I quit taking the New Yorker about a year after the war. I am so tired of hearing about how we botched that effort to hell and back. I guess that is the same reason I don’t listen to NPR’s show Fresh Air as much as I used to. Both of these vehicles were once a great source for information into the arts, science and current events. Not so much these days. I look at it as another casualty of the war.

Anyway if you get the chance check out this book Talk Stories. It’s good stuff.